Up and Up

Seeing things from up there was one of great stuff to do.

From up there i could see all good scenery and realized that I was this tiny tiny little human. A human who still needs to conduct ‘actions’ to the world.
From up there when I walked beneath huge trees and saw leafs dropped, I remembered the cite "No leaf falls but that Allah knows it" (Al Anam:59). Totally reminds me of how nothing in this world that Allah doesn't even know, then all the dirty little unseen-able mistakes I did.

From up there I could get fresh air, get brain-refrezhed, and have tranquility that adds up positivity to my mind, body, and soul.
From up there I could sense how hard it'd be to reach the top. Driving through all the turns, uphill roads, streaming down sweats, most importantly dealing against self-ego and yellings... All struggles would be paid off once I pass those tests. 
From up there I could see the beauty of the other side of my country. I could just be happy even from a tiny district in unpopular place in Indonesia. Being happy is simple, huh?
From up there, all I noticed was the urge to feel grateful.
And that completes everything

Words

I am so lack of power when it comes to convince anyone.

I admit my words were so powerless.

I know it sucks… hahaha L

There were thousand idea in my mind to overcome this problem but no one of them worked well.

At time like that, I was thinking any possible words that may brighten anyone’s mind but then it didn’t work either.

But when you’re unintentionally wanted to say motivated words, it just came out that fluent, beauty, brightening words.

Beautiful words then can only blurt when it comes from within, without any boasting intention. Just require the pure will to absorb the words you say to anyone and to you yourself.

Cause you can’t give advice like you’re 100% right, you’re only 50% right instead, or less. And the rest, you learn back from what comes out from your mouth.

A trip to Jogjakarta with pals

Started when I and mon amie decided to attend our friend's wedding ceremony in Jogjakarta.  Since we only got one time to escape so we escaped hard from our integ routine.
We explored Jogjakarta the way noone else would. We have several common principles about hanging out together, if you know what I mean.
" sleep is thing we can do in Jakarta "
" and moneyless "

We jumped to our first place at Lava Tour Merapi. As we've planned earlier, that we were renting jeep to circle around the post-erupted-mount village there. This European jeep passed their off-road trail and that driving us crazy, shaking our mind, body and soul as well. There were couple of check points we could stop by to take picture at.

1. Kali kuning
The bridge was the most attracting spot i guess. The green scenery also, always gave our brain refreshed. All the worries about integ seemingly washed away for a moment. For a moment I repeat. Bus still, a moment is a moment indeed.

2. Museum Sisa hartaku
They showed stuffs that already wiped by hot lava in mount eruption 2010. The stuffs were melted, burned, and broken.

3. Watu alien
That was big rock that looked like a man face. Can you spot that? There in the right. Again, there were green green trees beside the rock area. It's where the hot lava flowed down from tip of the mountain. It's looked like a cliff with bending road in between.

4. Bunker
The underground room that used to be shelter for the citizen to cover themselves from the hot lava. Turned out that the bunker could only be used when wedus gembel occurred. Then the people who were in there were trapped by hot temperature and died.

(to be continued)

The story about Dream Team

Once I have a dream, to get involve in a team where could make dreams come true. Then if I could have it, I would name it as Dream Team. Such dream I was thinking is, to conduct big social project that would make some people’s ideas collected into one aspiring mission. I know it takes a hell lot of guts to decide myself happened to be the one who’s actually start the Dream Team, but yeah, someone has to.

It turned out to be me, the one who couldn’t be any single leader figure out there, be a leader. Not even close to be called as so. I am just speck of dust blown by the wind to nowhere. I never thought I should drag myself out to my comfort zone and be the one the whole group staring at. I would’ve been sitting and watching people moving, but the option left was I have to be standing in the front row and drag people to do something together. I could’ve just walked straightly to my direction, but by this team I walk by looking around. Yeah I should start to get used being in this position, for no matter what, cause if I don’t, nobody moves a muscle, no aspiring mission accomplished.

It has taken a whole lot of tears, yells, joys and gratitude when I was in that position. I won’t in million ways regret any of my moves. But still, I was regretting better things I could’ve been doing.

( to be continued)

Dealing with time, again

August/September 2016

See? you don’t basically have time Lu. Stop figuring that you could do much in your short time.

You can never do all the things in your mind, you can only work for it.

And yes, I need time to turn my mood up.

Right now I just wanna stare at the ceiling, blaming myself. I remember the one that should be blamed at the first when things go wrong is me, myself and I.

How stupid I have been this time for not using my time well. I know it took time for me to start doing anything. I know I should be doing things earlier, cause no one would but my only self.

Messed up feeling

5^th sept 2016

Messed up feeling strikes again.

I have no idea what to do.

How to defend myself from this heavy wind.

I was about to fall then explode into pieces.

The source of my energy comes from Allah.

You’re The One I can hang myself on.

You’re The Solution of every problem I can’t overcome.

You’re The Lighter upon the darkest road.

Please lead me to your straight path Ya Rab.

I know I was so weak. So so so so weak that no one wouldn’t bear being near me.

Please forgive me. To all the very weak way thinking of mine. To all the bad thoughts.

I am so sorry.

Help me to raise.

Help me to get up higher with lighter hands.

Life is short as the falling of snow.

Give me chance to fix myself.

Co-ass life learning

Oh how it’s very dynamic life we’re having.

You won’t realize how meaningful every single chance you have in this life, even a chance just for explanation.

And yes, when we communicate with anyone, maybe it’s hard to tell what you really feel about something. The conversation would lead to be misread.

Somehow it’s good to let one’s feeling settle for a moment but it’s like a bomb that it will eventually explode.

I guess you better talk much, ask anything as much as you know, consider any possibility that may appear, concern in every single aspects that you do, be nice to anyone, and keep smiling even how hard it’d be to put a smile on your face.

Who could do all of them in one time?

I guess I’d raise my hand.

As follow my friends.

Dental Co-ass Lyfe

I wanna share this old story, still, about dental co-assistant.

19^th may

I don’t feel like breathing today. Lol.

It’s just so hurt…. Hurting as hell. But we can’t do anything. It’s all just a plan. And human can only set a plan. Whether or not it will succeed, just put to Almighty God.

That simple. Actually.

I’ve let them go. But If I ever remember those pages, it’d be hurt again. All over again. So I don’t need to flip back those pages. I will only have this brand new page every single day.

No matter how hurting it was, you can never be ‘that’ sad, because you’ll always need to move on.

So 1^st. don’t ever look back to those old pages

2^nd. You can’t be sad forever, simply because if you keep drowning the whole day you’ll just be dead. The thing is, you need to defend yourself. And one more thing, you can never rely on some particular person. Just do it yourself. You just gotta find your confidence to step forward.

Remember, you got this, and spread the positivity. You can open those doors. Each of them until you finally steps to this grand door which got your name written on it, with ‘drg’ tittle in the front.

Well, just stare at your graduation picture up there, and said, “ I just want the colored line over my arm doubled”.

Almost 2 month I’ve been in this wildest jungle in the world, and I’ve cried couple of times. Hopefully this tears drought already, so nothing would stream down my face. Ever. Again.

Hopefully this mind and heart have already built by stainless steel, so it won’t be corrosive no matter how often the tear drops.

Hopefully this body got charged 100% no matter how low the electricity.

You always need to get up. Help yourself. And help people around.

Count Me In

1^st October already        

Time is running out. The chance you’re having is getting thinner. You won’t feel it, but it does. You’ll feel it when it’s about to count down in your 10 fingers. There are phases you need to walk on, always. There are those you need to leave, eventually. Yeah this is life you need to go through. World keeps spinning around, and there’s no reason to yell or disobey stuff that already written within your mind. Count me in, to the list of the person who’s still willing to try. 

In between the threshold

The moment when all of the fatigue turned into tears, but you got no other option but to hold your tears. It’s like almost stream down my face. Then I deeply inhale the dusty air and exhale it while simultaneously close my eyes searching for peace.

Thank God, I got this shield that can hold this anger, tears and any exploding expression at particular moment.

This very precious shield I won't ever have without You, Ya Rabb :')

You'll get the hang of it

7/4/2016

I still can’t the hang of it. I still don’t know the rules of these games. I was all confused yet curious.

I am so sick of comparing things of each other. Cause everyday you see your friends were doing things! But you didn’t. You missed a day.

Now I appreciate even little thing. How thing turns to be so precious right now even for a tiny little moment. In these first 4 hectic days of my life, I found it hard to eat regularly, even to pray on time. How these is really challenging. I found it best when I sit for a while drinking a decent mineral water. I found little thing mean the world to me.

As rate of stress out increasing, a smile less appeared. Every times I arrived at home, my mind weighed of whom about to come for the following days. I was thinking like, the whole world should know what we’re doing here with all of these difficulties. But maybe it’s equal as what architectural student doing out there where they can’t even get a decent sleep time for a week or month. It's equal as what soldiers doing out there, they practice daily getting pushed to the weakest point. I think every profession got their own difficulties.You never know if there’s other profession out there which got harder assignment to do than yours.You should be grateful, still.

I’ve heard it from my relatives in the health profession. They faced it too, how struggled they were in finishing their last project. Their very last work before they plunge in to the community. I heard it too from my mom that her lecturer was a serious serial killer but successfully made her to be getting used with syringe and stuff.

Wish I can get the hang of it immediately. Wish I can understand how to play this Hunger-Maze-Runner-Game, in real life. Me and my friends. Me and all of those students who's facing co-assistant life out there.

Once you made a mistake, you’ll forever be dead.

And all the worry embraces me and asking myself, can I?

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Say ‘worry get out of here’ – John Mayer

Well, I still have my faith – Lulu Mayer

First story about clinical year!

Hi! I guess i'm about to post my first story in 2016. This year is gonna be my year. Since it's my big time to start this clinical year as being co-assisstant. So excited yet freakin' scared huh?! but this step must go on. Here are my story... Just sharing my thoughts about co-ass life. Eventhough I seem such a serious person but don't get it too seriously. I was being dramatic when I wrote it.

27/3/2016
Have you come to your realization that this big phase in your life is about to begin? One time I was opened my door and see the mirror.

Gosh it’s just near.
We’re about to be chopped in to pieces. Or worse.

People say so.

6/4/2016

Today was definitely a complete tiring day! I almost lost my sanity. I am awfully about to explode. How could these be so friggin hard? How am I going to face these friggin things?

The first 5 minutes in that room already driving me crazy. I was feeling like wanted to shoot me right in my head. I’ll be dead. Right at that second. I was kind of lost it all.