Detective Movies

(photos from Google)

Knowing Is owning.

That was what they say, I  don't really remember who said that in the Sherlock Holmes TV shows. But oh, really. That show was tremendous and mind-blowing I could ever watch so far. Not to exaggerate it. But yeah of course I am completely amazed. Like. Really am.

It was too good. I was running out of words at the moment to describe how cool it was! Actually I just finished watching the 3^rd season. And I just couldn't let my mind blown away for the 1^st and 2^nd. Haahaha. So funny, exhilarating, hilarious, serious but warm, sweet and everything I could elaborate it as awesome!

I somehow get inspired to that

This power

I don't know, but I feel like I am connected to this detective thingy. Hahaha. (I was actually trying to get myself involved as well.)

But really, it happened. Since I was a kid, I already loved to read Detective Conan comics. It was just very exciting more than any comic that every girl found it as nice. I’d rather choose this comic. I don't know what basically made me like that so much.

I like mystery. Beyond what everyone knows that I am a bit scared of stuff, I actually like it. I like some mystery but never get done to solve someone’s mysteriousness. I always wonder how someone could be that mysterious. (Okay that was another thing, I guess. Will talk about it later.)

So, yeah. I unconsciously build myself. To be like this. To like that kind of mystery thing. After that Detective Conan comics, I like CSI movie. It’s about solving a case and anything about mystery, adventure and anything that attracts my eye the most. And after CSI, this Sherlock Holmes TV show.

The thing is, I got inspired. Like again. Like every time after I watch movie. But this time might be different. It’s because I may have things in common with Sherlock. (Oh you wish! Hahaha)

Actually yeah something that made me connected was, first I like London, England to be precise. So far is the place id like to go to spend my life at. Yeah, and second, I am kind of happy anytime I see case or problem solved in that comic, tv shows and probably, in my life. I like to become smart arse sometimes, almost often times now. I kind of like to observe some details, somehow. I don't know what brings me to do that, but yeah sometimes I do that. Either people just don't realize, or I don't really show it (:p).

Go Away My Enemy!

oh right now. there are so many things that wander around my mind. I actually got nothing much to think about, but this head just feel so heavy. i got this one that i'm not sure to control at. i got this lappy problem that always screw up my day. i also got this unfinished business on my own. i have this enemy right beneath my head

for all this time i finally realized that my mind is my biggest enemy i've ever found. my mind somehow contains poison that can make myself feel depressed. i have this whisper that come from my mind to my soul, which saying all the bad thing of me. all of my mistakes. all of my weakness. all of my pressure point (that's what Magnussen said on Sherlock Holmes, season 3 to be exact).

whenever it comes to my pressure point, all i do is mocking myself. it's like i just happen to humiliate my own self. oh that take hours to make me back in my sanity. until i realized and got the trick that, since my mind is my biggest enemy, i have to keep it on track. i often utter words of how i really hate myself before, and now i have to change it. maybe i can try to encourage myself more so that i can remain my positive thoughts.

well, it turns out to be horrible thing if i don't recognize this discrepancy of my mind. Thank God, i realize this fact that almost killed me.

i would try my best to keep myself in sanity. well, i have to.

The Past

I myself and some people who feel this same feeling know that remembering the past is not a good idea. I kind of hate it. Past event which wasn’t really a good thing for me; past which makes me feel guilty, past which puts me in the corner taking as me as the main suspect in some tragedies or seemingly take me as a bad girl in criminal series, past which drowns me and brings me to the lowest mood, past that ravels in a bad way, past which gets me burst some tears. I hate to remember it. i hate to know the fact that i wasn’t good to somebody at that time. i hate it to know the fact that i didn't do what i should’ve done. I hate to know that i regret it

Yet I don't understand why there were past events that i hate the most. Even i hate it to take a glimpse to look back again. 

Past are just past. Nothing else i can do to change it since it already happened. Nothing could change it but we all know that we have to embrace it. Embrace either in a good way or bad way. Why would we have to emerge the bad thing while the good one are way more better? 
Why do some people hate past? Past which contains memories. What kind of memories that could unravel now? Things scattered fast, moved fast, words of mouths works that fast, every single thing anyone could know now---ok then why? Why do we have to worried about our past? Nothing to worry about actually, because what matters is how we embrace it in a good way and to learn from it. Things happened because it has that great value to learn. 

I know that i cant let myself drown in bad situation, so i have to think about it in a positive way, no matter what. Wouldn’t that be more nice if everything’s okay without any revenge or any hatred between people? Of course, life would be more beautiful with peacefulness without thinking about past that left a hole in the heart and without any bad prejudice.

Jakarta

31 May 2012.

I went to my campus, actually i just wanted to check for the timing for how long it takes to go there, to the central Jakarta. That day, I witnessed the real Jakarta, it's more wild than I imagine. I was startled to see how messed up it was; the tendency being stolen at markets around the station either at the buses, the dirty air that smashed people’s face and the traffic jam that killed people's time. People can depict Jakarta as a great-hectic-full of trouble city. Fact says it kind of is. People who involve their life at Jakarta will have some benefits to themselves. They become more discipline since they need to have a time-management as well in considering extra time for traffic jam or such. They can manage themselves better to be more patient in facing some obstruction there. They might think more critically to find another brilliant idea to fix what have ruined, starting from the planology of the city to the coordination of each government elements. However, it is Jakarta, the place which people say it's promising, place where they believe that they can make dream comes true.

 Let’s create Jakarta as bright as the lights which enlighten every place at there.

a make-myself-feel-relief writing

I've been being something. Somewhat I feel like detached from world is gonna be interesting. or more like detached from cyber world. Like you have twitter, facebook (no longer touched atcually, but still often to take a look, click upon notifications and find there's just notifications for games then I'll just go close the tab), tumblr, even blogger, and everything else which you realize that having those things that lets you share anything doesn't make you feel any better from the heart break you're suffering. Actually not a real heart-break but it just heart-break-like when your heart feels sooo bad, like your mood is at the lowest point of earth and theres nothing that can boost them back to normal and seems like no one could understand. I've always wanted to tweet about how I actually feel but then I think that's not really important to tell and not cool to let anyone see how bad I've been up to yet I think about people's comment which might appear later in their minds. So I'll just be "better off left some stories untold". But then one question pops out, why wouldn't we just tell?

Okay if I happen to continue about questioning my self a WHY, that'd eat a week to discuss about it. Yea. I'm about to loose mind. Idk why. Tbh I am so scared of my own words, my own heart, my own mind. Idk how it could possibly happen to me recently. It's like my enemy is my own heart, my own mind. Somewhat I have to fight with it unwittingly. And I dunno which is stronger. Yet I have to find the answer. *ok continue* I'm scared of my own thought. That's the problem. Okay I'm afraid I've made this writing like a spinning route which has no end. like, keep talking repeatedly about the same thing. But the thing is.....*15 seconds to think* I don't know, I have no idea. Actually I got some words to tell, but I'm afraid to tell. Feels like there's a missing part of mine which makes me feel this random and scared. Oh Well... forget it. at least i feel a lil bit relief now after blabbering about that asdfghjkl stuff

Anyway, school is approaching. I might as well have to use these last 2days properly.....by...sleeping. Seriously I just found that sleeping is the most heaven-like thing in the world. I mean it gives me jolt of relief. Feels sooo good. My sleep time is now divided by 3 parts. First, 2- 5 or 6 pm then 1-5 am then 6- 9 or 10 am. And I know I'll never have this kind of chance later when school starts. So I think I've been using this chance properly. To take an extra rest. YEA. Have I told you that when I was a kid I think sleeping was just wasting time? now it's all flipped, I'm really proud of myself after spending my day to sleep and I thank God for this :)

by the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, CHEERSSSS! ;)

WHOA

Whoa its December now.

I’ve been facing bunch of exams. You know, 12 grader. It’s getting more hectic, you know, daily exam, weekly exam, monthly, 3-month exam, semester exam. School ends at 3 or 4 pm and then going to additional course until 7 or 8 pm, arrive at home. Having dinner, sleeping. Wake up again in the morning, and start the cycle again. Whoa. Home is now for a place to sleep and have dinner. Tired. Yes. But, it gets me another thing to learn which im about to step to further journey, and before i step on it, i gotta reach the requirement to step on it. To step to university. And it needs sacrifaction. Getting further, i realize that i gotta stay my mind away from unimportant thing, i gotta leave it for a while. At least after this fighting is over. After i get what i want to get. Everyone hopes it’ll worth the effort. So do I. After December is over. Here we go, the real war begins. For real, it’ll be more hectic. But i dont want to scare myself first, i believe this is gonna be over soon.

I can barely enjoy my spare time and feel how time flies smoothly, because all i feel is time is running fast like really fast toward me, and to everyone who got the same feeling as me. I mean look, i feel yesterday was July or August but now is December and about to turn to 2012. Many things i’ve had, in good way or worst, in happiness or sadness, in bitter or sweet way which turn me upside and down, and that gives me something. About the thing which give me a lot of happiness or sadness, about the L word which have pissed me off or even made me messed up, about the low score i got, the best one, and everything. Many things i wanna share here! Haha! Overall, I’d like to tell the conclusion, which is, “experience is best teacher”. I’ve had couple of sweet experiences, and the bitter one also, and those give me um... a thing. Something i can’t tell by words. And the oh-god-i-feel-so-lonely thing actually not true. You are actually not alone when you feel alone. It happens because you just not looking around, when you look around, keep your head up, then you’ll find the solutions. Come from friends, parents, God, even from yourself. When i think i got no where to run, i have God as a place to share, to cry about the bad thing i had, to ask to grant my wish. Friends also, they’re amazing! I can’t picture myself one or two year later after we go to the different university. How would it be? Saying good bye is the hard part, might be. But that doesn’t mean good bye is the end of everything. Oh god, i really can’t picure myself not going to that lovely senior high school again, meeting all friends, class-mates, chair-mates, teachers, everyone. But wait, im not gonna leave that school before i get the requirement right? The journey is still far, look, there’s still January, Febby, March, April and it’s gonna be end at June, or April might be, if it’s going faster. And. I have an aim to make a sweet ending at that school, a sweet ending of high school story. I really need a support to face all this. This is not a world war actually, but i need a support to fight to reach achievement, go get what i want, make my parent happy.

God knows what best for me, for us.