Saturday, January 7, 2012

a make-myself-feel-relief writing

I've been being something. Somewhat I feel like detached from world is gonna be interesting. or more like detached from cyber world. Like you have twitter, facebook (no longer touched atcually, but still often to take a look, click upon notifications and find there's just notifications for games then I'll just go close the tab), tumblr, even blogger, and everything else which you realize that having those things that lets you share anything doesn't make you feel any better from the heart break you're suffering. Actually not a real heart-break but it just heart-break-like when your heart feels sooo bad, like your mood is at the lowest point of earth and theres nothing that can boost them back to normal and seems like no one could understand. I've always wanted to tweet about how I actually feel but then I think that's not really important to tell and not cool to let anyone see how bad I've been up to yet I think about people's comment which might appear later in their minds. So I'll just be "better off left some stories untold". But then one question pops out, why wouldn't we just tell?

Okay if I happen to continue about questioning my self a WHY, that'd eat a week to discuss about it. Yea. I'm about to loose mind. Idk why. Tbh I am so scared of my own words, my own heart, my own mind. Idk how it could possibly happen to me recently. It's like my enemy is my own heart, my own mind. Somewhat I have to fight with it unwittingly. And I dunno which is stronger. Yet I have to find the answer. *ok continue* I'm scared of my own thought. That's the problem. Okay I'm afraid I've made this writing like a spinning route which has no end. like, keep talking repeatedly about the same thing. But the thing is.....*15 seconds to think* I don't know, I have no idea. Actually I got some words to tell, but I'm afraid to tell. Feels like there's a missing part of mine which makes me feel this random and scared. Oh Well... forget it. at least i feel a lil bit relief now after blabbering about that asdfghjkl stuff

Anyway, school is approaching. I might as well have to use these last 2days properly.....by...sleeping. Seriously I just found that sleeping is the most heaven-like thing in the world. I mean it gives me jolt of relief. Feels sooo good. My sleep time is now divided by 3 parts. First, 2- 5 or 6 pm then 1-5 am then 6- 9 or 10 am. And I know I'll never have this kind of chance later when school starts. So I think I've been using this chance properly. To take an extra rest. YEA. Have I told you that when I was a kid I think sleeping was just wasting time? now it's all flipped, I'm really proud of myself after spending my day to sleep and I thank God for this :)

by the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, CHEERSSSS! ;)

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