Diri yang Masih Baru

28th Sept 2018

Kamu bilang hatimu seluas samudra

Pundakmu sekuat baja

Sudah dilakukan segala usaha

Tapi terhenti katamu apa daya

Tentang membuka hati berarti memulai

Membenahi dan memperbaiki diri

Terimakasih telah menghampiri

Hai sesosok yang menginspirasi

Katamu setiap orang datang ada maksud

Apapun itu ku yakin Allah Maha Tahu

Mungkin karna diri ini masih baru

Ku percayakan kepada Allah segala kelabu

The Froth of The Sea

me and my sin

as much as the froth over the sea

countless, spread, and exist

what an empty soul

not sure exactly what is good anymore

it's a mixture of hurting, blaming and much more

forget where to put things you can't control

the froth covers the clear pure water

as if making good scenery underneath unseen

while begging to the Almighty to wipe my froth

Allah is All Merciful, all I know

nonetheless, I realize the froth pretty much adds lesson to me

Lelah Lalu Lupa

Tiba tiba jarak, ruang dan waktu menjadi sirna

Bukan menjadi pilu apalagi sendu

Biar kuserahkan muaranya kepada rindu

Lelah yang datang seketika

Membuat lupa segala indra perasa

Sungguh ingin ku bermain dengan alam saja

Kalau waktunya tiba bisa lebih leluasa

Berdialog dengan alam yang luar biasa

Tangerang Selatan, 14 April 2020

Bukan Hari Ini

Tapi hari itu yang cerahnya menyinari hati

Hati yang terbuat dari baja

Perlahan menurun titik leburnya

Hati yang tak sekuat dulu

Tapi kukagumi pada jamannya

Hari itu atau hari ini

Serupa tapi berbeda

Apapun itu kuatlah hari ini

Agar keterbiasaan yang menguatkan hari yang lain

Tangerang Selatan, 7 April 2020

Pom Bensin

Suatu hari ketika lagi nunggu isi BBM di pom bensin, September 2018.

Terlihat ada jalur antrian untuk mengisi BBM kendaraan roda dua dan roda empat. Motor, dengan antrian yang panjang, pengisisannya lebih cepat, sehingga flow nya cepat. Sedang mobil walau hanya satu-dua antrian, butuh waktu lama hingga tangkinya penuh terisi. 

Hidup itu kadang seperti menjadi motor, kadang menjadi mobil. Bisa jadi cepat diisi BBM nya, sesuai kapasitas motor. Sedangkan kalau mobil harus butuh waktu untuk bisa diisi sampai full, karena mobil kapasitasnya besar, butuh tenaga lebih banyak, sehingga punya nilai guna lebih banyak pula.

Ibarat mobil itu diri ini, diri kita yang besar. Besar kapabilitas diri, berbesar hatinya, luas terbuka pikirannya, kuat mentalnya. Semoga kita kearah sana. Pribadi masa depan yang lebih baik yang selalu diidam-idamkan diri ini yang kemarin. Butuh waktu untuk terbentuk menjadi pribadi yang besar bukan?

Semua ada jalurnya masing-masing dan waktunya masing-masing, bukan?

- dasar diriku, yang terlalu lama hidup di (per)jalanan. 

A story that never unravel

You are a series of story

Unspoken, hidden and blurry

Piece of written paper

Ready to be sent to a receiver

-LL-

Check Point

Hey 14^th april already. Right at this second

Been having some other roller coasters, you know.

Today has come to conclusion that I am so grateful to have the chance studying dentistry.

People may think it’s not an easy peasy thing.

But in here, I got beyond terrific experiences indeed.

First of all, my campus mostly filled with girls. So I kinda feel protected in here, in a good way.

Second of all; I learnt to rise right after I fell off.

I learnt to not fall too deep onto something.

I learnt to have some specific acceleration graphic to move on.

There’s also this particular oral test that pretty much challenging.

There’s this moment when all you have to do is smile, and just swallow what went off right in front of you.

Day by days I realized that there’s really nothing you can do to wish something change for a good reason, but trusting Almighty Allah.

Days where you’re about to meet the end of the road, you realize that you really nothing in this world. You really got no power, but coming from Allah’s.

Kalau bukan karena Allah, maka mustahil aku bisa melakukan ini semua.

Kalau bukan untuk Allah, maka aku gak akan sampai disini, aku bisa saja masih terjatuh.

Kalau bukan oleh Allah, maka aku gak akan selamat pulang pergi Serpong- Salemba.

The moment where, you know you’re at your worst day but you can’t emphasize its feeling anymore to yourself and anyone, and all you need to do is seeking for motivation from anywhere, like literally anywhere you have to rise your spirit up for no matter what.

I’ve said that I was the least convincing person. And life challenge me with that. How was I going to make my lecturers convinced of my words?

If it’s not from Allah, there’s no way I could pass that.

Today I Learnt

Today

I learnt about something not-today

It asked you to wait, it asked you to try harder with the whole of your heart

Check if something you do isn’t because of Almighty Allah

--

Today I

Learnt something about border, and choice

Where people prefer the one with the look, and left the other with different appearance

--

Today I learnt

About missing friend when I need them the most

It’s always been like this, maybe this is just what they feel

But let’s reflect more of what I did the other day

Prolly I could've been doing the same things too

--

Today I learnt about

Negligence

Something that actually could ever be conducted

But aborted only because of a little tiny stone that hinders

I thought we could actually move the obstacles together

But they choose to not move a muscle

--

Today I learnt about a pride

Those high standards people put to some people below them

--

Today I also learnt about people’s trait

How a group could turn to be having the same exact basic character

Too bad the character was negative

So they spread wounds together

Little did I know they actually share a tiny lesson

--

Today I learnt about hope

That flies upon the sky

Everyday

I pray

So does everyone

Who hopes something better everyday

Who hopes something good even though it’s devastated at the first place

--

Today I learnt about a wound

And not worth crying over for

Only because the culprit just want us to get it

--

Today I learnt

To hold onto this pole called faith

I will always have a faith on You, Ya Rabb...

Trapped

Trapped

Is when you seem do nothing wrong
But the surrounding makes you do something wrong

You were clean
Until it happens

And that happened because
1. You've got so much bad thought of the surrounding, and that 'trapped things happened' is the only way that would clear your thoughts
2. It's just happen cause it's slipped that way with no one interfering the cause
3. It's a lesson to learn for all of the components. As simple as, things happen for a reason. There must be a reason, right?

So no matter what happen next, you can't blame either the situation or yourself.
It's just need some sincerity from both sides

Last Day in October

I am right at the moment where i just jumped upon high rope on a game. It wasn’t so easy cause it took time and effort to finally have the bravery to jump. I was hesitating at the first time whether or not I continue to move forward. My enemy inside my heart kept telling I need to go back instead. I fought for my bad thought so hard.

The point is I can never lose from my bad thoughts. Yeah, I am the one whose thoughts filled with the bad thoughts which isn’t  healthy for my mind, body and soul, I know. I tryna reduce it then. It makes me remember someone who said, "don’t make it to be complicated, don’t yell cause it wont end up something good". Completely agreed with the one whose words keep spinning around my head.

Outside The Box

Being at outside the box has never been a good idea to me. 
I walk in unfamiliar surrounding. 
It seems easier if i stay inside the box. 

Twas what i thought at the first place.

North Serpong
Sept 28th 2017

Something that pictures me in the future

Here comes that day where I got several agendas in one time. Then I decided to arrive earlier to second appointment so that I could leave earlier to the next place.

The thing about coming earlier did give me something. It was family gathering at my cousin's. Each family use to bring some foods, if I arrive together with my family. Since I came earlier alone, I supposed to bring some foods, surely with my own decent money and with my own ideas. That's the moment where I know I will get used to be like this, if I come with my future family.
Since I came earlier, unlike usual, I was the one who's gonna be catched up with such what's up conversation. Or more than that, involved in gathering preparation, like core preparation.

Never had I thought to be such mature human being before. Especially the part when my cousin, the oldest child in her family -which pretty much describe me too-, led what's the gathering supposed to be like.

Until then I realize those were something that prolly picture me in the future. The future when I come to the gathering with my own family.

Tangerang

11 Mei 2017

A little forgiveness

A little forgiveness is needed for those who got stiff heart.

The stubborn people would find it hard to know that they did mistakes and hard to apologize.

And yes, as a nice and warm human being it's not wrong to succumb.

We're mature enough succumbing for anyone whose heart possibly less sensitive than us. I know it's hard to give in but it's for the sake of our community around. You know, this newly born companionship that we've been seeking for in such a long time turned to soothe my soul at its finest which I won't let any of this brotherhood bond apart.

May this heart always have room to forgive and forgiven. Cause that's basically what make this mind stay in sanity without having negative vibe attached.

Tangerang

22 April 2017

A trip to Jogjakarta with pals

Started when I and mon amie decided to attend our friend's wedding ceremony in Jogjakarta.  Since we only got one time to escape so we escaped hard from our integ routine.
We explored Jogjakarta the way noone else would. We have several common principles about hanging out together, if you know what I mean.
" sleep is thing we can do in Jakarta "
" and moneyless "

We jumped to our first place at Lava Tour Merapi. As we've planned earlier, that we were renting jeep to circle around the post-erupted-mount village there. This European jeep passed their off-road trail and that driving us crazy, shaking our mind, body and soul as well. There were couple of check points we could stop by to take picture at.

1. Kali kuning
The bridge was the most attracting spot i guess. The green scenery also, always gave our brain refreshed. All the worries about integ seemingly washed away for a moment. For a moment I repeat. Bus still, a moment is a moment indeed.

2. Museum Sisa hartaku
They showed stuffs that already wiped by hot lava in mount eruption 2010. The stuffs were melted, burned, and broken.

3. Watu alien
That was big rock that looked like a man face. Can you spot that? There in the right. Again, there were green green trees beside the rock area. It's where the hot lava flowed down from tip of the mountain. It's looked like a cliff with bending road in between.

4. Bunker
The underground room that used to be shelter for the citizen to cover themselves from the hot lava. Turned out that the bunker could only be used when wedus gembel occurred. Then the people who were in there were trapped by hot temperature and died.

(to be continued)

Dealing with time, again

August/September 2016

See? you don’t basically have time Lu. Stop figuring that you could do much in your short time.

You can never do all the things in your mind, you can only work for it.

And yes, I need time to turn my mood up.

Right now I just wanna stare at the ceiling, blaming myself. I remember the one that should be blamed at the first when things go wrong is me, myself and I.

How stupid I have been this time for not using my time well. I know it took time for me to start doing anything. I know I should be doing things earlier, cause no one would but my only self.

Messed up feeling

5^th sept 2016

Messed up feeling strikes again.

I have no idea what to do.

How to defend myself from this heavy wind.

I was about to fall then explode into pieces.

The source of my energy comes from Allah.

You’re The One I can hang myself on.

You’re The Solution of every problem I can’t overcome.

You’re The Lighter upon the darkest road.

Please lead me to your straight path Ya Rab.

I know I was so weak. So so so so weak that no one wouldn’t bear being near me.

Please forgive me. To all the very weak way thinking of mine. To all the bad thoughts.

I am so sorry.

Help me to raise.

Help me to get up higher with lighter hands.

Life is short as the falling of snow.

Give me chance to fix myself.

Co-ass life learning

Oh how it’s very dynamic life we’re having.

You won’t realize how meaningful every single chance you have in this life, even a chance just for explanation.

And yes, when we communicate with anyone, maybe it’s hard to tell what you really feel about something. The conversation would lead to be misread.

Somehow it’s good to let one’s feeling settle for a moment but it’s like a bomb that it will eventually explode.

I guess you better talk much, ask anything as much as you know, consider any possibility that may appear, concern in every single aspects that you do, be nice to anyone, and keep smiling even how hard it’d be to put a smile on your face.

Who could do all of them in one time?

I guess I’d raise my hand.

As follow my friends.

Dental Co-ass Lyfe

I wanna share this old story, still, about dental co-assistant.

19^th may

I don’t feel like breathing today. Lol.

It’s just so hurt…. Hurting as hell. But we can’t do anything. It’s all just a plan. And human can only set a plan. Whether or not it will succeed, just put to Almighty God.

That simple. Actually.

I’ve let them go. But If I ever remember those pages, it’d be hurt again. All over again. So I don’t need to flip back those pages. I will only have this brand new page every single day.

No matter how hurting it was, you can never be ‘that’ sad, because you’ll always need to move on.

So 1^st. don’t ever look back to those old pages

2^nd. You can’t be sad forever, simply because if you keep drowning the whole day you’ll just be dead. The thing is, you need to defend yourself. And one more thing, you can never rely on some particular person. Just do it yourself. You just gotta find your confidence to step forward.

Remember, you got this, and spread the positivity. You can open those doors. Each of them until you finally steps to this grand door which got your name written on it, with ‘drg’ tittle in the front.

Well, just stare at your graduation picture up there, and said, “ I just want the colored line over my arm doubled”.

Almost 2 month I’ve been in this wildest jungle in the world, and I’ve cried couple of times. Hopefully this tears drought already, so nothing would stream down my face. Ever. Again.

Hopefully this mind and heart have already built by stainless steel, so it won’t be corrosive no matter how often the tear drops.

Hopefully this body got charged 100% no matter how low the electricity.

You always need to get up. Help yourself. And help people around.

Count Me In

1^st October already        

Time is running out. The chance you’re having is getting thinner. You won’t feel it, but it does. You’ll feel it when it’s about to count down in your 10 fingers. There are phases you need to walk on, always. There are those you need to leave, eventually. Yeah this is life you need to go through. World keeps spinning around, and there’s no reason to yell or disobey stuff that already written within your mind. Count me in, to the list of the person who’s still willing to try. 

In between the threshold

The moment when all of the fatigue turned into tears, but you got no other option but to hold your tears. It’s like almost stream down my face. Then I deeply inhale the dusty air and exhale it while simultaneously close my eyes searching for peace.

Thank God, I got this shield that can hold this anger, tears and any exploding expression at particular moment.

This very precious shield I won't ever have without You, Ya Rabb :')