How would I be sure if there's no hard feeling in between?

People make mistakes. I know. And other people might remember the mistakes for such a long term.

Other people may think one thing which isn't a mistake, a mistake.

Both of them will remain in anyone's mind. The first one means this person literally makes mistake. And the second one means this person accusedly makes a mistake.

And me, figuring things out if I ever get involved in any of them. Pardon my sensitive way of sensing people reaction, but I can pretty much see those hard feeling surrounded- without even knowing where it came from.

I wanted to clean the table I spill my sugars on, but there seems no chance to take the napkins.

May be I should probably have another person to have a look either there's actually the sugars I spill around or there are napkins available for me to clean it.

Oh, if this hard feeling thing only happens because of my negative thought then I have to get rid of it immediately. Cause it's so sick to act like everything's fine but you're actually pretending everything's fine.

Yogyakarta, Dec 24th 2015

My September Story

All of this vague thing surround me, just didn’t allow me to see things clearly. I got hesitate, my fingers were freeze to nothing.

I am just worried if the fog near me didn’t get me the view I wanted to see. I am worried if this thing leads to bad stuff instead of good one.

Oh it’s just my worry. I seem looking for excuses for myself not stepping forward, rather than be brave and show up myself.

 

Guess I should listen more clearly to the sound of the universe.

The Planner

Okay now 11^th of August 11.22 PM

Before I close my eyes I would like to share something

About the things I am planning

As time goes by, the more I realize that no matter how good and well-managed your plan is, if God doesn’t give permission; then no/ not yet/ not now.

No matter how good and well-managed your plans are, God’s plans are the best plan ever existed. It occurred to me when I was at laboratory trying to conduct this so called experiment of cell culture. I’ve planned each day with my a-to-z to-do list as well, but one day it got stuck. The cells failed to grow. That means I have to ‘rearrange my plan’.

The thing about planning could be the most interesting one yet challenging. At the moment you can measure yourself for how far you’d reach something. But sometimes it leaves worry to yourself whether you can make it through what you wanna reach.

There’s the point, which determines how big your will to pursue the goals you’ve written. Frankly, I write and reflect myself at this writing simultaneously. I am not that good person who can manage this thing, I ain't even an expert on this, but take my advice; you gotta defeat the enemy inside your mind; your worry and also laziness. I am also still working hard on it :’’’)

So, I might need plan B, or maybe plan CDEFGH….Z to let myself remain calm. And in every plan with anything happens inside it, I believe that it’s the best plan God has given to me. After all the things I’ve been striving for, let God do the rest.

I don’t know where I got this words but I realize that if you find something that didn’t fit your dream happens to your life, then you have a choice whether or not to get back up. When you choose to get back up, believe that nothing can stop yourself until you reach your dream; the bigger dream only God knows when you’ll reach. Have a faith on The One who gives you what you need, eventhough it may not what you wanted. Have a faith on The One who has everything that you wanna reach on your dreams.

My Life as a Motorcycle Rider (part 2)

If you wonder about the 1st part, it's available at here

It's basically the following post from the first part. I wrote it in 2012, but i just found it; 2015. It's about my random story about being a motorcycle rider-----------------------

It’s all about which choice that we will take:

1. Ride with speed up with full concentration but risky or 

2. Ride slowly while daydreaming about anything/talking to dead air/singing but safe.

I’ve seen so many things on the traffic light. First when it was about to rain, i saw a guy try to pick his raincoat from the backage and wore it as long as it’s still a red light. He did it real quick. Like a pro. Once i’ve ever wanted to do it but hey, you’re a girl out there. Girl motorist is minority. You gotta take your manners as a girl though. But the fact now that i see, some girls even could ride motorcycle faster than some man. Not sure if girls are real pro or unwittingly pull some gases too much. And another thing i saw on traffic light was some people looked over their phone texting, calling and such. And the other side there’s also some people tried to stretch their hand or body, make it move, give it some rest. And also people sleeping, or at least giving their eyes a rest during the red light was counting down. Just like what i’ve ever did at that morning when i felt so sleepy and when it came 120 seconds of red light, i closed my eyes give it some try to rebuild the energy over my eyes before fighting though the dusts and winds again. Yea that might be one of cool thing on earth to sleep during the red light. Haha. And others just look around trying if they could put their motorcycle to the front row so they could be the first starter when it turns to green. Haha i often do that anyway. And some sick fact when i see people holding ciggarates when  they’re riding. Sorry to say but yeah it annoyes me and probably to others. They add smokes that has been much there over the road. Wouldn’t it be better if they just ride without holding that cigs with that smokes and ash that flows distracting other riders behind? 

Relief

We focus on celebrating all wonderful things that we have, rather than regretting the thing we didn’t.

Yeah I think I need to avoid regretting things. There must be one thing with one single reason why the thing that you didn’t want happened to you. And I was all trying to seek for the reason, until I found myself relief :) 

Try it. 

Reflection

Istigfar.
In any place, any when. When you feel empty, go find 'mirror' to reflect yourself.
What you've done. And what you left behind.
May we always know how to make ourselves better, surround with pure real happiness. May we always be guided to the right path that get us convenient.
Not only outside, but in the heart.


Malang, 29 Juli 2015

On My Way

"And the story goes on"
Now playing : Do or Die by 30STM.

Yeah I am on my way home  now and turn out that I am unconsciously on my way to reach my dream. Just catched train from my campus, at this so called holiday. The day I would never thought I'd be visiting my so-far-away campus frequently. Yeah for the sake of this final project which drained up the energy yet gotta force myself to smile at the end of the day.
The fight with my desire to stay at home was just so hard indeed. And I guess it's the same with what my lecturer did.

Small thing that you don't recognize you and people are doing is considerable reason of why you have to pay some efforts. Yeah, we don't have anything left but this key; savor it. Keep your sincerity in company, like whenever you do things.
Remember whom you might see smiling at the end.

"And I'm on my way, on my way"
Now playing : On my way by Boyce Avenue

Night Sky

Tonight the sky was beautiful while I was doing stargazing. There’s this half-rounded moon and some stars scatter around it. It just reminds me to that night where I was in the other side of my country.

I was at Sumbawa Island last year, around this month. Today was exactly the time where I did stargazing at the Lopok Village, West Sumbawa. It was the most beautiful night I’ve ever seen because there were like so so many stunning stars scatter around that navy-colored sky surrounded by its nicest weather there. We were hanging around the city by picked-up car, so there’s no border to see that night sky. Me and my friends were all staring at the sky….amazed by what we got at that day. We were just about to finish our project conducting dental service to the community there, the good deed I’ve been dreaming to do too. It’s more like a gift from Our Creator J What sky had offered us to see, and exhibited some enormous night view upon the sky completely made our eyes all glistened. And that made my mouth murmured, Thank You God.

Thank You for beautiful scenery that earth endlessly offers to us. Make us ease to always be grateful for what You give, even by simple thing.  

Dear time, be my friend

Oh dear time

How could I still have a problem with you?

Things I wasn’t really proud of. Me, having a hard time in controlling my time.

I admit this was something I haven't completely overcame yet.

I guess being embarrassed was the hardest punishment I could ever get. Since it won’t be vanished

And the only way to overcome it, is to not being embarrassing, which means you can never come late, any-friggin-more!

Anger

People say that it’d be good if we could hold the anger. It’s whole lot a hard thing to do.

The emotion...
Is easy to be unstable
Is hard to be controlled
Is somehow confusing

When I never meant to say something
But others understood not what I meant

You know that very hard feeling..
That left inconvenience
The heart that burnt
The messed up mind

Oh I wish that’d stay away from me
Or I will stride away from it

Hold On Hope

I know I have to walk through the dark, the dark and winding road. And I’m gonna be a little lighted candle that brightens the way. At least that's what I am hoping now.

And I believe there’s one thing that I can have my hand to hold on tight. It’s my willingness. It’s my mere willingness that has given me sort of bravery to shout a long the way. And as long as I still got my hand holding, the spirit will emerge as the best efforts also accompany me..... to reach my dreams.

Go get yours!

Daydreaming

Started with 'how if ....'
I can imagine everything. It somehow makes me giggling.
 

Cause you know, the thing about daydreaming is not only sweet because of wondering how marvelous things are going to be if it really happens, but also bitter to know the fact that it wasn't real (yet).

Yeah let's add the quantity to do things rather than wonder about things.

Cause I wanna turn the bitter one to be sweet. 

is there any better word?

I wonder if there's any better word to utter one moment that left sort of inconvenient feeling upon heart;

dissapoint.

Wake Up

“BHAHAHAHA”

My dad all of a sudden laughed of what I was up to at that time.

He prolly couldn't imagine his daughter became this person.

My dad even couldn't imagine how the world is with me still being like this.

That was funny and tragic at the same time, actually. Funny cause he didn’t believe me that much. Tragic because my own dad –the guy that knows me better than any other guy- said I am just not good enough at such thing I couldn't explain here.

Then he told me how to be the good enough person that he meant.

The point is you can say that your world is okay and so far so good. But there are other people out there who could see and /judge/ what you’re doing (oh I hate the word judge!—but this one is positive). Those people who, let say, judge you may give some critics and advices to wake you up from the zone you thought is fine.

Yeah, wake up.

You’ll always need to wake up.

Lucky One

It’s 2015 already!

Brand new year, another fresh start, another step to chase your dreams.

Take some chances, cause it lead you to another door. Doors that take you to journey that may give you something to learn.

Life is about learning something, right?

By learning of how things work, we can change for reaching the good and better one.

“Those who state their deeds today worse than yesterday are cursed. They who today are the same as yesterday are looser. And whoever today is better than yesterday, they are the lucky ones. “(Shahih Al-Bukhari)

Who doesn’t wanna be a lucky person?